Having her birthday today is our very own Alanis Morrissette and I felt moved to celebrate how far she has come in her own journey in life – from torn artist to feeling a place of peace within herself – and the very foundation she has laid down in the arms of love.
What once was a jagged little pill is now a full grown woman with light in her eyes.
Each of us is so unique—every temperament, every brain, every pace and style of learning. Combine just these few factors with our unique histories and varying degrees of having been loved, neglected, cherished or abused, and then mix in the developmental stages that were well-tended or horribly overlooked, and it’s a miracle that we don’t all kill each other in fits of ongoing reactivity.
On the whole, I am just so proud of us. I think it is a testament to our innate sense of connection that we can share the freeway lanes with each other, stand in movie lines together, and talk to each other over coffee without anarchy prevailing. It’s also a testament to the scientifically corroborated view that we need each other on biochemical and neurobiological levels. In other words, being dependent on each other may not warrant the shame and embarrassment that has been lopped on it for so long. Whether man or woman, we come by this tender yearning and essential need for connection honestly.
We have so many kinds of relationships and each of those allow moments of connection or moments of disconnection. Committed friendship, romantic partnership, marriage, being a parent, a sibling, colleagueship, relationships with our divorced parents, our aging parents—depending upon their level of commitment and intimacy, they are ALL hotbeds for the sharing of love and/or respect and appreciation, as well as hotbeds for profound healing.
If, when we’re growing up, we don’t have significant experiences of connection, even briefly with a grandmother or an aunt or a well-placed teacher or coach, then we don’t always have that point of reference to serve as a North Star for us—that memory (albeit often glimpse-esque) of what it is to be held, seen, nurtured, gotten, soothed—connected. Some of us begin the journey of our lives without the light and warmth of this cellular and soulful recollection of love, and it can make the creating of it in our adult relationships seem almost impossible.